Live FAFF Award Ceremony

Simon · Cult Status

Live FAFF Award Ceremony

Simon · Cult Status

The Highest Scoring Player Award:

Dirk Kuijt of Fiorentina, chosen by Mark Rollings. Kuijt had an exceptional season and was instrumental in Fiorentinas high league finish. Retiring at the end of the season, Fiorentina manager Rob O'Brien didn't have to worry about fitness next season and ran Kuijt into the ground. This paid off for Rollings as he saw Kuijt score 34 goals and set up 29 in only 23 games. As the season drew to a close, Juventus' star striker Montella began to catch Kuijt up, and in the end there was very little between them. However Rollings had struck gold by choosing both players for his team 'Chicken Kiev', particularly as he was the only person to choose Kuijt. Rollings had the following to say when accepting the award on Kuijt's behalf:

"I would like to thank Dirk for his efforts this season, and commiserate other FAFF managers for not having the foresight to select him. Dirk did fantastically well for me when I had him at Sampdoria, and I knew he would do well in a good Fiorentina side. His old legs mean he may not make it into my side next season, but I thank him for his good work!"

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The Lowest Scoring Player Award:

Rob Edwards of Empoli, chosen by Luke Coakley. Played no games until the very end of the season so naturally finished with next to no points. On accepting the award on Edward's behalf, Coakley stated:

"I will be honest and say I am shocked and stunned a player of this quality could even be thought of in his category. In my opinion a clear flaw in picking him in my team is the fact he hasn't started a game this season which in turn has made it hard for him to score point."

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The Cheapest Player Award:

Rob Edwards of Empoli, chosen by Luke Coakley. Coming in at only £1.3 million, he would have been a bargain had he not failed to score any points at all until the last week. On accepting the award on Edwards behalf, Coakley stated:

"A Welsh International at such a price seemed a trick everyone else had missed. His choice was one of the first on my teamsheet and to be honest I think Scott Thomas at Empoli has missed out by never picking him. Maybe he could have been the difference in a play/off place for them this season."

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Expensive Player Award:

Lionel Messi of Chelsea, chosen by Mark Galeozzie and Simon Newcombe. One of the highest rated players in the world of FA, Galeozzie and Newcombe obviously believed his huge price tag of £23.2 million would be matched by the amount of points he would score. This was a risky strategy as each team only got £100 million to spend on 11 players which comes to an average of £9.1 million per player. As it happens Messi had a slow start to the season as Chelsea's extremely high statted team spread the goals out between them. While his performance in the goal-front was average at best, he managed to rack up enough points to make him not totally useless as his young age meant he could play in almost every game, a factor aided by Chelsea's European cup run. Unfortunately neither manager can be here to accept the award so it's likely the award will end up in the trash like Newcombe's Villareal career.

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Pointless Player Award:

Andrei Mei of Sheffield Wednesday, chosen by Ray Farnell.

Although he played 16 games, only in four of them was he not carded. Due to 10 yellow and 2 red cards, he finished with 4 points... not entirely a waste of £7 million of the budget then. Farnell was unavailable to comment on the award.

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The Most Effective Choice Award:

Juventus manager Steve Jenkins for his choice of Goalkeeper Jonathan Barrueco Flores of Levante.

A surprise win here because he did only score 76 points, however Jenkins was the only manager to choose him and both Levante's 10 clean sheets and Flores' lack of bookings rose him head and shoulders above all other keepers, finishing with almost twice as many points as the second highest scoring Goalie. If this wasn't enough, he only cost £4.9 million and was an important figure in the Dragon's high finish. On accepting his award, Jenkins had this to say about Flores:

"Probably the main reason for Flores' selection to my team was due to my spotting of a typing error. FA had actually confused his age and his weight on the squad sheet. So where it looks as if his age is 25 it is actually his weight which is 25 (stone). This means he fills more of the goal than most keepers - hence his large number of clean sheets. Can't move as fast as most keepers - hence his good disciplinary record, and used to work as a Spanish waiter in Swindon - hence his low wage bill. Burnley's Jenson is the Beast? Well Flores is twice the size of him and it's no accident that his nickname in Spain is 'el hombre de la empanada' (The Pie Man)!"

Simon · Cult Status

The 'Great Start But Not Such A Good Finish' Award:

Rafael Van Der Vaart of Reggina, chosen by Iain Kochanowski, Simon Newcombe, Mark Rollings, Craig Radford, Simon Jenkins, Steve Jenkins and Luke Coakley.

Many players had peaks and troughs of their season, but two were ahead of the pack in terms of this award and both deserve a mention. While Sunderland Striker Martyn Waghorn had an exceptional start to the season keeping level pegging with the strike rates of Juventus' Antionio Montella and Fiorentina's Dirk Kuijt, he soon stopped scoring. Despite playing almost every game for Sunderland, it was not until the very end of the season when Waghorn once again began to set goals up and it was these precious points that stopped him from earning this award, however it was not enough for Simon Jenkins' 'The Andriy Shev-Jenkins' who suffered at the hands of Waghorn who's lack of points was key in Jenkins' drop out of the top three only a week before the end of the season. However it was Reggina's Rafael Van Der Vaart who won the award for a great start but not such a good finish. Van Der Vaart was so high scoring at the start of the season for Roma that everyone who had him in their teams were near the top. Although seeing as over half of the FAFF teams entered had him included, it would be more correct to say that Van Der Vaart was so high scoring that everyone who didn't have him were handicapped. Despite this amazing start, Van Der Vaart's goals soon dried up, resulting in a sale to fellow Seria B team Reggina in FA. Although he has continued to play and ended his goal drought, he still failed to match the ability shown in the first couple of weeks.

Due to the amount of managers eligable for this award, we skipped the presentation and mailed it to Rafael in order to avoid squabbles.

Simon · Cult Status

The 'I Chose the Wrong One' Award:

Cardiff manager Huw Evans for his choice of Real Sociadad Striker Florent Sinama-Pongolle.

Despite being the highest rated and most expensive of the Real Sociadad Strikers, in 16 games Sinama-Pongolle managed no goals and only 4 assists. Whereas fellow Sociadad Striker Caleb Forlan played 19 games, scored 10 and set up 6 for £1.3 million less, and ex-Sociadad and Atletico Madrid loanee Kenan Kodro played 20, scoring 15 and setting up 10 for half a million less than Sinama-Pongolles value. Evans accepted the award on Sinama-Pongolle's behalf, saying:

"I would like to thank Florent for his outstanding contribution this season with no goals in 16 outings. The boy couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo! I have always said 'buy cheap, buy twice' but Florent has proved me wrong. The most expensive useless, heap of rubbish the world of FA has ever seen. I thought Florent would excel in a team aiming for promotion. Florent obviously thought that scoring was not what a Striker should do and he certainly stuck to his guns. Thanks Florent."

Simon · Cult Status

The 'I Chose the Right One' Award:

AC Milan manager Luke Coakley for his choice of AC Milan Striker Mido.

Many were left confused when Coakley chose Mido to represent his Milan team in 'Diet Coakley' because he was by far the lowest rated of the Milan Strikers, however it was Luke who had the last laugh as Mido scored and set up more goals than any of the other Milan Strikers. Nobody knew why Coakley chose Mido, it certainly wasn't because money was tight, as 'Diet Coakley's' total value came to around £4 million short of the maximum budget. Either way, Coakley is the deserved winner of this award. This is what he had to say:

"Mido has come as very little surprise to me, his scoring record in Football Academy has always been good and when I signed him I knew with the likes of Aqualini and Iniesta behind him he would be a very important player at this club at Milan. People talk about Villa, Rooney, Adebayor and other players who are great players but none of a scoring record as strong and consistent as Mido's, I guess because he isnt a big name he was easily overlooked by many but he was a first choice for me."

Simon · Cult Status

The Biggest Letdown Award:

Ximun of Roma, chosen by Simon Newcombe, Mark Rollings and Simon Jenkins.

Partly due to the pre-season expectations that Roma would walk the Italian Seria B and partly due to his relatively low value compared to his reasonable stats, a number of managers went for the Roma Keeper to play in goal for them. However as the season unfolded, it became obvious that Roma would not win the league as comfortably as first thought and not only did Ximun show a penchant for bookings, but seemed to miss most of the easier games where Roma actually kept cleansheets.

Simon · Cult Status

The Worst Formation Award:

Cardiff manager Huw Evans due to the 'interesting' formation he chose for his team 'Cewri Caerdydd'.

A close competition for this award between Evans and Paul Harrington, the latter deciding to have a midfield consisting of three Right Mids. However our panel settled on Evans as the winner: sporting a 4-3-3 formation, Cewri Caerdydd's defence was made up of a Right Back and three Left Backs, while Evans opted for the old 'Lopsided Midfield of Doom' including two Centre Mids, a Right Mid but no Left Mid. Evans was overjoyed to accept the award, stating:

"As a manager you are an artist, a creator and more importantly you see potential. Some may look at my formation as lop sided. I look at it as innovative. Would you say that the brilliance of Vincent Van Gogh was blighted by the fact he had only one ear and was lop sided? I think not and the beautiful game should not be boxed into perfectly formed balanced formations. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!"

Simon · Cult Status

The Biggest Waste of Money Award:

Petr Cech of Chelsea, chosen by Craig Radford.

Another closely fought contest; early on in the season it seemed as though fellow Chelsea player Lionel Messi would pick up this award with ease, however a late rush of points put the Centre Mid dynamo out of the running for this award. Cech's high rating put his value at a whopping £17.6 million, making him the third most expensive player chosen by a team, behind Darren Bent and the aforementioned Lionel Messi. Cech's age played a massive part in his low score, as Chelsea were obviously resting him for the tough and more important games, dealing a double blow as not only did he miss out on around half of the season's games, but also that he was playing in difficult games where the aim was to win, not keep a clean sheet and therefore Cech's huge cost was not covered by his measly 29 points. A much cheaper option would have freed up more money to be spent elsewhere and possibly would have boosted Radford's 'Athletico Pathetico' further up the table. Radford had this to say:

"Petr was one of the first players I selected for my team. The simple reason being is that he has the best defence in front of him. One clean sheet in 16 league games is really abysmal though, and the lad has really let me down. Evidence from match highlights have shown that at 31, he is struggling to get down to the low shots. Time to hang up those boots I think Petr."

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We will be taking a short advertisement break, stay tuned for more awards, the FAFF Dream Team and the one you've all been waiting for... The Overall Champion of FAFF Season One.

See you in a minute.

Simon · Cult Status

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Simon · Cult Status

Welcome back to the First Annual FAFF Award Ceremony. Still to come: The Most Yellows Overall Award, The Most Clean Sheets Overall Award, The FAFF Dream Team and the Overall Champion of FAFF Season One.

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Goals Overall Award:

'Chicken Kiev', managed by Mark Rollings.

'Chicken Kiev' netted an astounding 98 goals in the season, more than double the amount of the teams lingering at the bottom of the FAFF table. Rollings looked very please with his award, as he should. This is what he had to say:

"I am delighted to win this award. I tried to pick a team full of potential goals and thankfully for me, it paid off. My front three of Montella (Juventus), Palmiteri (Spurs) and Kuyt (Fiorentina) deserve special praise, as do I for the incredible foresight to pick them all!"

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Assists Overall Award:

'Chicken Kiev', managed by Mark Rollings.

'Chicken Kiev's' amount of goals was only matched by the creativity and vision of his team, managing 91 assists in the season. Picking up his second award of the night, Rollings said:

"This award says a lot for the creativity I packed my team with. I even looked for defenders I thought would get amongst the attacking moves and thankfully the hard work paid off! This will go nicely with my 'Most goals' award and illustrated my attack minded brilliance!"

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Bookings Overall Award:

'Club Raymond', managed by Ray Farnell.

With a defence that got booked almost as much as they played games, it was no surprise the Farnell picked this award up. At 55 bookings, Club Raymond had almost double the amount of the next club, 'The Andriy Shev-Jenkins'. Unfortunately he is not here to accept this award. Boo.

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Reds Overall Award:

'Club Raymond', managed by Ray Farnell.

A nice match for his Most Bookings Award, Club Raymond were obviously the most unsportsmanlike team around. There were only five red cards shown in the FAFF league; three of them were at Club Raymond.

Simon · Cult Status

The Most Clean Sheets Overall Award:

'Dragons', managed by Steve Jenkins.

Picking up his second award on the back of his Goalkeeper's success, Jenkins said this:

"I would like to thanks everyone for this award for clean sheets. Next season I hope to secure the award for clean pillow cases!"

Simon · Cult Status

FAFF Dream Team:

In the penultimate award, we looked at the FAFF league and handpicked the cream of the crop to see what the highest possible combination was from the players picked by FAFF competitors, within the £100 million budget:

GK - Jonathan Barrueco Flores - Levante - £4.9m - 76 points
CB - Alessandro Gamberini - Palermo - £5.4m - 70 points
CB - Daniel Van Buyten - AC Milan - £6.8m - 76 points
LB - Marcelo - £11.7m - Chelsea - 118 points
LB - Leighton Baines - AC Milan - £13.8m - 113 points
RM - Victor Herrero Forcada - Chelsea - £10m - 126 points
CM - Samir Nasri - £8.5m - Atletico Madrid - 96 points
CM - Redondo - £7.6m - Cardiff - 130 points
ST - Dirk Kuijt - £10.3m - Fiorentina - 303 points
ST - Antonio Montella - Juventus - £13.5m - 295 points
ST - Mido - £7.5m - AC Milan - 187 points

Total Score = 1590 points
Total Value = £100m

Simon · Cult Status

3rd Place:

The following manager was moving around the top couple of positions like a pinball high on sugar and after a couple of good weeks he settled into third position, easing past Simon Jenkins as his Jenkins' team suffered from a couple of consecutive poor weeks and althugh Jenkins closed the 50 point gap to just 12 points by the last week, it wasn't enough . Other than Montella up front, his strikers were less than exceptional, however his midfield consisting of Jovetic, Messi and Redondo were enough to balance it out.

Obviously heavily influenced by his brother due to the number of Sociadad players in his team, third place goes to Mark Galeozzie and his team Killergorrilas!

Simon · Cult Status

2nd Place:

The following manager had a poor start to the season, with most of his defence either not playing or getting booking in each game. However his team got their act together and stormed to second place. The gap between second and first was growing and shrinking every week and nobody knew who would finish at the top.

With a cheeky choice of one of his own strikers whom he knew would be going on loan to a lower division, second place goes to Steve Jenkins and his team Dragons!

Simon · Cult Status

The FAFF Season One Champion:

In a closely run first half of the season, positions all over the table were changing every week; however a gap began to open both at the top and at the bottom. At the top, this manager created a 100 point gap on the back of one of his strikers success whom he was the only FAFF manager to have chosen. And while in the run up to the end of the season, he was being reeled in by second, third and fourth, he managed to keep ahead.

Presenting the Season One winner of FAFF... Mark Rollings:

"I am delighted to have won the first FAFF title! There were some big names in the running and I hope my success illustrates my knowledge of the game. It was so close towards the end and it could have gone either way so well done to every other manager that pushed me so close. I am already deliberating my team to defend this title next season so watch out everyone! Finally, I would like to thank Simon Jenkins for running a great side game!"

Simon · Cult Status

And that is it for the FAFF Season One Award Ceremony and the FA season as a whole. Hopefully FAFF has earned the right to continue for another season, we would like to thank all the managers involved with FAFF this year, particularly to those who contributed to the Season One FAFF Award Ceremony. Congratulations to those who won an award; in particular to Mark Rollings and commiserations to those who did not win any awards, better luck next time.

That's all from us here, thank you for watching.

Goodnight.

Spartikus47 · Cult Status

Very well done..enjoyed this.

And not just because I won ;)

Safehands · Cult Status

Bloody good read that Mr Jenkins - a lot of thought and (obviously time and effort) went into it as well

roll on next year!

richj363 · Cult Status

Very well done !

Luke_C · Cult Status

Good stuff, enjoyed that :D

Tezza · Cult Status

Well Done Simon. A lot of work went into that.
Didn't get a mention mind, not even for finishing last.
Never mind there is always next season.